Trusting God for a Beautiful Life
"I trust that God rewards faithfulness," I said to someone yesterday. He had asked me where I saw myself in the next five to seven years.
And I do have a plan for those years, but right now I am working to string together healthy days. More and more, I am stringing together those healthy days: My bipolar disorder is in remission, and the main symptom with which I cope is anxiety. But even that, I am working toward getting a better handle on, exercising more intensely to build confidence and boost endorphins. No, it's not a magic pill, but it seems to be helping so far.
I trust that God has a beautiful life in front of me, and I just need to remain faithful and walk through the doors he has opened for me. This means doing the things I know how to do to remain well: staying in close contact with support people, exercising, eating healthy, going to work, staying on a schedule, and getting plenty of sleep. This also includes remaining spiritually grounded, reading my Bible, praying and going to church. I have to make room in my life for quiet time and special people.
But it also means that even if I slip up, God will be right there to catch me. Because it's not over if I slip up. Rather, a new chapter in my walk with God begins.
Today at church was inspiring: Our pastor recounted the story in Mark 10 of Jesus healing the blind man. He read from Scripture how the blind man called out to Jesus: "Son of David, have mercy on me!"
Our pastor pointed out that the blind man, by calling Jesus "Son of David," was hearkening back to passages in Isaiah prophesying the coming Messiah. He was calling Jesus the Messiah, the Anointed.
Jesus stopped in his tracks. Consequently, his disciples stopped. The crowds stopped.
Jesus called them to bring the blind man to him. "What would you have me do for you?" he asked.
The blind man asked that his sight be restored.
"Go in peace," Jesus said. "Your faith has made you well."
I think sometimes we go to doctor's appointments and we take our pills and we toe the line, eating right and exercising, but we don't really trust God for healing. This morning, it suddenly occurred to me that I could trust God for healing.
No, this doesn't mean I am going to stop taking my medication or going to therapy. But when it comes to the future, I trust that God has a beautiful life planned for me, and all I have to do is remain faithful. He will bring it about. Even if I slip and mess up, God is good, and he will have mercy. It is not up to me.
See... It is not about my faithfulness, but about God's goodness. He is the Messiah, the Anointed One, the Giver of all good things.
At this point, my hope for the future is burning bright. But I must remember to savor the present... This walk with a loved one... This dinner... This conversation. This, this, this... The very specificity and tangibility of the gifts of the present encourage us not to take them for granted, but rather to hold them up and savor each one, each passing moment. Because this, this present, is good.
I am convinced God wants to bless me in the future. But I also feel deeply blessed in the present. And, so, in the present, too, it is not about my faithfulness, but about God's goodness. He blesses richly because he is good, not because I am.
"The Lord's mercies are new every morning; great is Thy faithfulness." Over and over again -- new every morning. Not good because I am, but rather because it is his holy nature.
And so I will trust God for healing. Yes, I will continue to take my pills and go to therapy. But I also will hold out hope for a bright, healthy future. It is already coming to be.